Every Friday afternoon, my husband brings me a bouquet of red roses: a dozen long stems, baby’s breath and a few sprigs of greenery, you know, the ones sitting in grocery store floral coolers ready to go. He arrives home with a big smile on his face, carrying the same unimaginative bouquet and thinking he is the man.

I think it is so endearing that he does this every week, but I do not like these red roses. The bouquet sits around for a few days looking like an out of date hallmark ad collecting dust. I do not want to hurt his feelings by telling him I do not like his choice in flowers, but I would love to have other flowers like tulips or even daisies. What can I do?

Carol

Dear Carol,

If you reward behavior, it is generally repeated. When your husband arrives home with the roses, I am sure you respond with a “Thank you, honey, they’re beautiful”. And, he thinks he has done a great thing, Again. We all get into routines, even when it comes to romance and love. Look at yourself. Do you always wear the same types of clothes, mostly black or would only be caught in your jeans and a comfy tee? Do you prepare the same types of meals or always eat at the same restaurants? Show your love in the same way… the same peck on the cheek when the roses arrive?

We all get into patterns that make us NOT ‘stop and smell the roses’ to think to choose the tulips.

Try slipping him a note when he leaves for work on Friday morning and make it romantic and sweet. “Honey, did you know the tulip is the flower of eternal love. See you tonight!” Hopefully… he shows up with some tulips. And, be sure to reward him accordingly…!

Cecelia
 
   
 
 


I recently went into a store to purchase some flowers and asked the sales girl to “show me what was cheap”. She responded, “then we have nothing here for you”. I was so taken aback by her rudeness, that I turned around and left the store. I am thinking of writing a letter and reporting them to the better business bureau. What would you recommend that I do to get even?

Burt

Dear Burt,

If I were the sales girl, then I would have shown you a hand mirror and had you take a look. You were the only thing in the store that was cheap. There are better ways to ask for a bargain. Asking for something cheap is an insult. If you have a particular price in mind, then simply asking for the available product in your price range would have been the appropriate thing to do. I would not write a letter, but would work on your own etiquette.

Cecelia
 
   
 
 


I got up enough nerve to send a very new boyfriend some flowers as a way to ask him out for a change. I called a shop near his office and was very specific about my instructions: A few simple stems in a bud vase, not too much or too fussy, and to attach a card that reads:
"Thinking of you” Tonight? Call me. XO, Jenn

Well, he called and said that he got my flowers and my message and he was REALLY looking forward to seeing me later! I thought, WOW, the flowers were a good idea. Well, that evening, my boyfriend shows up with an ‘adult toy’ for me – or us, whatever? I was totally confused and embarrassed since this was such a new relationship, I asked him what he was thinking. He said, “You know, the message, from today.” Still not getting it, he pulled out the card from the flowers that read:
TOY! Tonight? Call me. XO, Jenn

Furious, I phoned the florist the next day and asked about the mix up. They explained that many times messages are abbreviated on the order form to save space and that ‘Thinking of you’ is often written as TOY. The new girl preparing the deliveries did not know about the florist code and wrote the card as the sales girl had written it.

The florist now sends my now boyfriend a bud vase weekly at no charge. The flowers always seem to make him smile.

Jenn

Dear Jenn,

Thank you for sharing. This is a common practice of florists, and I have heard of this happening before. Many times the cryptic message does not spell anything, leaving the recipient confused… and definitely not turned on. I think your new beau will always have a special appreciation of flowers.

Cecelia